When I was 10, my younger sister and I made a pact with each other that we wouldn’t have sex until we were married.
At the time, I was nowhere near becoming a Christian (or so I thought), but it became something that was extremely important to me. I was living in a society where more and more young girls were getting pregnant for guys who they gave their virginity to and when the “sh!t” hit the fan, they changed their minds (excuse me saints, this one was too dire for ‘rubber hit the road’). At such a young age, I could see the struggle in our communities with young girls who became women too quickly, children raising children, and men who preferred to play the role of boys and refused to raise their children. It was disheartening, but it created a deeper determination in me to wait until I got married to have sex.It’s interesting how from the moment we are born God has just been setting us up to be the people he has called us to be. I couldn’t see it then, but now that I’m older, having experienced some spiritual growth, I look back and realize that everything I experienced, even before becoming a christian was preparing me for this journey.
At the tender age of 10 I realize that keeping my innocence was something that was precious and important to me, in my un-saved state God planted in me this sound Christian moral. And although salvation wasn’t my motive in the beginning, once I did get saved it paved the way to help me resist that temptation.
For instance, while I was in high school, one of the biggest topics of conversation was sex, who wasn’t and wasn’t having it and who they were and weren’t having it with. Fortunately, I was never one to suffer from the plight of peer pressure and so nobody else’s opinion on the matter meant anything to me; I was quite confident and comfortable with the fact that I hadn’t had sex and wasn’t planning on doing so either.
This might sound simple but the truth of the matter is that most girls that I knew only had sex because everybody else was doing it, and to go against the norm would make you abnormal, and for a teenager that was the definition of being lame.
Fast forward a couple of years to when I was 18 and working at a very popular hotel on the island and my coworkers found out that I was still a virgin. They knew that I was a Christian, but in their minds that didn’t correlate to me being a virgin, or that I wasn’t currently having sex at the time either. There was one particular young woman who made it her business to ask me every night that I worked with her if I had “given it up” yet. She consistently encourage me to do it and when I didn’t heed her encouragements, she went as far as trying to shame me for it and getting the other workers to “band” me from returning to work until I had done the do. And if that wasn’t bad enough, this particular worker went as far as to speak to my father, asking him to encourage me to give up my virginity because I was “old enough”. I was so flabbergasted, I couldn’t imagine that one person could feel so strongly about my virginity lol.
After relaying the tales to a Christian aunt of mine she came right out and said, “if you’ve never met the devil before, well you’ve met him now.” And I knew she wasn’t trying to tell me that the young woman was satan, rather she was alerting me to the fact that this was the devil tempting me, and trying heavily to put pressure on my shoulders to give into the temptation.
The thing is though, although her pursuits were annoying, never once was I swayed or did my mind even drift into that territory. I realized then what was happening. God allowed me to cultivate such a strong personal value in my sinful state so that when I became a christian it would only further solidify my resolve. Despite her constant attempts to try to trick me by telling me things like my husband would cheat on me because I didn’t have any experience, to me not being able to please him because of my lack of experience, and the worse being that no man would ever want to marry a virgin, I refused to be swayed.
I’m 21 now and most people find it hard to believe that I’m still a virgin, mainly because they assume that me saying “I’m a virgin”, is me trying to convince them that I don’t have the desire to have sex, because if I had the desire then I would have already done it by now. But that’s where they’re wrong. It’s not that I don’t have the desire for sexual pleasure, but rather that my desire to please God far outweighs my desire for sex.
When tempted by Potiphar’s wife, Joseph said, “how can I do such a wicked thing and sin against God?” (read story in Gen. 39). Although we can assume that the sin he meant was adultery, I would also like to believe that as a man of God he was also refusing to commit fornication as well. That’s exactly how I feel when I think about having sex outside of the union of marriage, like I would be committing a wicked act against God himself.
People always ask, “why would your God give you such desires if he didn’t want you to use them?” and within myself I’ve wondered the same thing. But, I’ve come to realize that along with the fact that sex was created to be enjoyed within the covenant of marriage. God gives us choice. We can choose to be slaves to every whim of our bodies or we can choose to be servant of Him.
I choose the God. Above my flesh, above every man, and most certainly above myself.
I’d really like to expound more on this but that’s going to have to wait for another entry because this one is already super long.
Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. -James 4:7
Food For Thought Chroniclers.