Sometimes, I wish I lived 70 years ago when men were still being taught to be gentlemen and it was still acceptable to be a virgin.
Unfortunately we live in a world where you’re either one of two extremes: a trollop (sexually disreputable woman) or a prude (easily shocked by matters relating to sex). It so interesting how things have changed and yet still so frightening because I can only imagine how much more they are yet to change.
After last week’s post I got so many comments from people who could really relate to the plight and there is so much more that I want to share with you all on this topic. This week I’m going to be talking about the V-Card Struggles. Yep, it’s about to get deep.
I’ve realized that the biggest reason why people think it’s impossible for me to be a virgin is because they can’t understand how anyone can ignore the urges of their body. Trust me, I understand what they mean. A person’s sexual drive is one of the strongest bodily urges they can have, that’s one of the reasons that struggling with sexual sin is so difficult to overcome.
In response to their questions about how I do it, I usually just say, “well, I’ve never had it so I guess I don’t know what I’m missing out on. That makes it easier to resist it.” That is partially the truth and I guess I go with that answer because sometimes it gets tiresome trying to explain all the time the extent to which I have to go to keep myself in check. I often chastise myself for this though because I feel like I give a false sense of ease to the situation when in reality it’s really hard! Like its freaking hard, like you have no idea how hard and I’m just keeping it real here but the journey to keeping my virginity has been a battle because it’s constant a fight. My flesh and spirit are at constant war with this thing.
I find that some people, un-saved usually, have this mentality that being a Christian makes you super human. Sometimes I think it’s just the opposite. Being a christian sometimes makes me even more hyper aware of my humanity because I feel like my human weaknesses are preyed upon even more by the devil because I’ve made the decision to follow Christ.
That being said, and I’m trying to keep it 100 with you, me being a virgin
does not mean that I never get sexual urges, or aroused (in lay man terms). It’s sad that some young christians end up going through such feelings of guilt for acknowledging the fact that they have sexual urges when this is something that is sometimes so uncontrollable and also completely natural to experience.
So here it is, it’s okay to have sexual feelings. This is
not sinful, it’s natural. Now let me tell you what’s not okay, giving into these feelings and allowing them to control your actions.
One of the fruits of the spirit is self-control and this is not just in regard to getting angry and blowing a fuse. As Christians, God wants us to learn to control these urges that he has given to us because he knows the danger we face if we allow our feelings to control us.
Be the master of your body, don’t let your body master you.
It’s easier said than done, I know, especially when you are in a relationship with someone you consider a prospective spouse. It’s hard sometimes to separate what you should do from what your body and sometimes even your mind wants you to do. Your mind can be a tricky place to get caught up in that’s why the Bible cautions us to renew our minds daily (Rom 12:2).
Your mind will give you all kinds of justifications for why it’s okay to do this or do that. Like, “well I already know I’m going to marry him, so why not” or “well other people have done it and they seem okay so it won’t hurt to try just once” or “we’re engaged, we’re practically married already, it’s no big deal”.
My mind tried it! but regardless of all these justifications, the fact remains that it is still sin to have sex outside of the bond of marriage, and it’s not even just sin, it is sin against the body (the only sin against the body – 1 Corin 6:18).
That brings me to this next point, stop trying to claim your virginity on a technicality. Maybe its just me, but I feel like sometimes we pride ourselves on the fact that we have not had intercourse and use this as a way to parade the v-card. But, let me just pause to say that all sexual acts (outside of marriage) is still sinful and that includes masturbation, oral sex and the likes.
And before you start a riot, no, the Bible doesn’t say this outright. But the truth, if we’re being honest, is that these acts lead us to the temptation of sin and lust.
Stop allowing the devil and your mind to convince you that once you’ve never penetrated or been penetrated then you’re good. You ain’t boo-boo! The bible says that if a man even looks at another with lust in his eyes then he has already committed adultery in his heart so I’m just going out here on a limb to say that you deciding to play “plow the field” between your legs is worse than a lustful look. And I’m not trying to be judgemental because I’ve been there and it was struggle freeing my mind of that shackle but it had to be done. Just think about it.
This post is getting pretty long but there is still so much I want to share; like why it’s important to have a mind for purity than just wanting to stay a virgin because you’re afraid of what others will say if you get found out or if you get pregnant. Those thoughts play on everyone’s mind from time to time but their foundation is weak and if you don’t have your guard up you could still end up falling. I also think that in the church we are quick to tell others what it is they should or shouldn’t do but don’t give practical advice on how to do it.
In the next couple of weeks I want to share my own journey with you and give you some practical tips for keeping yourself pure for the cause of Christ.
So don’t miss it!
For those of you who haven’t read last week’s blog post, I was exploring the misconceptions that I have encountered in regards to what people think of virgins, especially after they’ve turn 18. So you should go check that out.