“Children must be taught how to think, not what to think.” – Margaret Mead
One of the saddest truths in the church is that we preach more of what you should do, rather than why you should do it.
Recently, I was having a conversation with my pastor where I expressed my disappointment with the fact that everything I’ve ever learned about sex and marriage has come from either romance novels, television, or school. I don’t know about your church but in mine, I don’t recall ever hearing a sermon on marriage or dating. Sure they say things like: “marriage is not easy and shouldn’t be taken lightly”, or “wait on the Lord for a boyfriend/girlfriend”, or (and this is my favourite) “don’t have sex before marriage”.
My question is, “But whyyyyyyyyyyy?” Of course being a christian, I know that premarital sex (fornication) is sinful and that means I shouldn’t do it. But I have been working with young people for 8 years now and the one thing I’ve noticed about them, and even people in general, is that telling them they
can’t do something only makes them more curious to do it and find out why. It doesn’t make much sense, which is why many of us grow up and look back at some of the things we’ve done in our lives and ask ourselves, “what the heck was I smoking when I did that” – but the fact is though, that this is human nature, just ask Eve – we always want to sample the forbidden fruit.
Instead of just saying not though, it’s important that we give people reasons and share the truth about why it’s so important to stay away from certain things.
I thank God for places like youth camps and even YouTube, which provided positive environments where the truth could be spoken and common sense was garnered.
These are 4 reasons that I have constantly reminded myself of throughout my life to help me keep my virginity:
Sex Brings About Covenant
- In the Bible, especially the Old Testament, in order for the people to make covenants with God, blood had to be shed (sacrifices). Now if you think about it, if we were to engage in sex the way God wants us to then the same thing would happen. The first time a woman would have sex would be with her husband and blood would be shed through the breaking of her hymen, and a covenant would be made between the two. Every time I ever read a Bible story about a man getting a wife it’s always the same thing, “and he took her in unto him…” which in essence means, he took her to bed.
- Never have I heard of a marriage license or white gown and tux in the Bible in reference to “the two becoming one”. They become one flesh by having sex,
notby signing a paper. This is another reason why it’s so important to wait until marriage to have sex, because if we were to look at it from the stand point of Biblical days then that would mean that every time you have sex with someone you make a covenant with your body. I ain’t finna covenant myself with nobody but the man I plan to spend the rest of my earthy life with.
Soul Ties Are Real
- For me, this is like the reason I use to scare myself into submission – Soul Ties. When you have sex with somebody, as the point above mentions, you in essence become one with them. You take a piece of them with you and vice versa. In marriage this is a good thing because you carry each other, but outside of that it can be detrimental. Have you ever had a friend who was in a sexual relationship, that she/he knew was no good to them and no matter how hard they tried they just couldn’t seem to get over it? Well, that’s another thing about soul ties, your souls become tied and its very hard to untie those knots. Sex is not just a physical act but it’s also very emotional and spiritual and it can cloud your judgement.
- Soul ties are the reasons that people find themselves unable to leave detrimental relationships and why heartbreak is so severe after leaving a sexual relationship. Plus, I don’t know what demons a man may have following him or he may be carrying around and since I have enough struggles of my own, I’d rather not get his as well.
My Future Husband
- This is probably the most emotional reason for me. I don’t want to ever have to look my future husband in the eyes and tell him all the things I’ve done and who I’ve done it with. It might be corny, but I mean it. I can only imagine having to have that conversation. The guilt and shame I would feel because I would want to have a truthful union. I believe that all my physical pleasure (sexual) was made to only be enjoyed by my husband (this is when all the feminists start throwing stones). But it’s not just a situation of girls waiting for sex with their future husbands but also one of their husbands waiting to have sex with them to. Our bodies are no longer ours when we get married and I really want to save this special treasure for the pleasure of my husband, and him alone and I would pray that he’d do the same for me as well.
- Having premarital sex can cause you to have comparisons when you do get married and all of a sudden all you can think about is how much better your ex was at pleasing you sexually than your husband is. I don’t want to put my husband in that space to think he has to compete with my memory of anyone else.
- Finally there is the issue of generational curses. I’ve noticed within my family that there is a trend of women having children when they are young and unmarried. Through an internet sermon once I found out that these things are not just mere coincidences but can be a generational trend because of the sins of our forefathers. Both my grandmothers had children outside of marriage and so did my mom. I didn’t want that to happen to me, and more so I didn’t want it to happen to my children, this might sound simple, but unless you’ve witness the plight of a young single mother, then you’ll never understand how difficult it is.
There is a saying, “stand for something, or you’ll fall for anything.”
For those of you following me on Instagram (@keelaschronicles) then you know that yesterday’s resolution was “Submit Yourself To God”. It’s easy to say that you won’t have sex before marriage because it’s wrong, but sometimes when your loins are burning up, right and wrong are not always the first things on your mind. Make it clear in your mind and heart why it’s wrong, make your reasons a part of you, submit them to God, so that when your loins start to act up, your submission to God and your reasons will keep in check and you’ll be able to resist the temptation of the Devil.