Be Careful What You Wish For!!
I love to sing! Like if you don’t know me then you probably don’t know that I take every opportunity I can to sing. I sing on the bus, in the supermarket, walking down the street, in the office, in the shower, in my room…I just sing all the time.
My sisters and cousins say that I annoy them, but as their elder it’s kinda my job to do that isn’t it? LOL, just kidding… maybe.
But yes, I love to sing and I honestly wouldn’t call myself a good singer by anyone’s standards but I won’t deny that I can carry a little tune every now and then.
When I first got saved (aged 12) all I wanted to do was to become a worship leader. I was so eager to do anything and everything I could do for God, I just wanted to be a worship leader – because, well I loved to sing and I figured I could do good in that area.
At first, this was just an innocent desire to just serve God, I was so on fire for Jesus. You remember that feeling, when you first get saved and every Sunday felt like the day of Pentecost and you could hear the angels belting out hallelujah with you and you could just swear that Jesus was just coming down on the chariots everytime you heard some good old worship music?
I remember the first opportuniy I ever got to lead worship, I had just turned 13 and because of my eagerness my pastor at the time gave me a chance to lead worship at church one Sunday night. I almost died!!! Not with excitement though, I hyperventilated to the point of needing a paper bag, I was so nervous that I wouldn’t do a good job.
As time passed though, I kinda got the hang of it and people would express how good a job I’d done and it made me feel proud of myself.
Pretty soon, I was 15 years old, lead vocalist of the worship team, vice-president of youth ministry and my life had completely changed. I was no longer just a regular teenager. I had eyes on me everywhere I went and so many people to answer to.
Once my grandma told me, “if you fall, so many people will be hurt, young people and old people all of them are looking up to you”. For a 15 year old that is a hard pill to swallow.
I felt as though there was no room to make mistakes, like I was constantly under inspection of the microscope. Imagine growing up with the fear that the slightest step out of line would cause your entire world to come crumbling.
Have you ever felt as though there was too much pressure put on you to be perfect?
The vastness of this pressure in a lot of ways made me feel like I had to grow up really quickly. But even worse I felt like my mistakes would make the difference in someone staying to course of christianity or falling away.
After a while the pressure started getting to me and I honestly began resenting my positions at church. You can probably guess what happened then. I started neglecting my positions until going to church felt more like a chore than a comfort.
It took me a long time before I came to the place where I realised that everybody has to walk their own journey. That though as a person in leadership I did have a standard to uphold because truthfully there were indeed persons looking to me as a role model, the Bible also commissions each of to “work out [our] salvation with fear and trembling” (Philippians 2:12).
It is equally important that we remind ourselves daily to not put too much pressure on ourselves either, because that has the ability to spiral into unhealthy territory. To recognise that none of us are perfect and that even though the Bible calls us all to strive for Perfection in Christ, as humans and furthermore imperfect children God our fathers knows that there will be times when we don’t achieve perfection and gives us grace daily to cover those short comings.
I could talk about this forever, but I’ll just leave you with this quote:
Out of perfection nothing can be made. Every process involves breaking something up.
– Joseph Campbell