Waiting on God

We live in an age where “instant” is key. If it’s not instant connection, then it’s instant meals, or instant entertainment, even one day delivery. Life is moving on the fast track because “time is of the essence”. Many of us, probably starting with the millennial generation and now including Gen Z, don’t quite remember what it means to “wait” for anything.

Back in the days of my grandparents, you couldn’t just jump on your smart phone and message your loved one in New Zealand while in the Caribbean. You had to write a letter, journey to the post office, mail the letter which would probably take a month to arrive and then wait another month to get a response. I don’t know about you, but ain’t nobody got time for that. “It’s my ‘everything’ and I want it now“. If I order a dress on Amazon I expect it to get to me by tomorrow, and how dare YouTube take more than a millisecond to load my video!!

Instant gratification is the thing of this age and anything less, isn’t worth it!

Most of you would probably think I’m being extra, but if you really think about it, that’s how we’ve become. And sure, the advancement in technology has afforded us that mentality, but is it really the best way to approach life? Is it really that beneficial?

Lately, having to wait has been the bane of my existence. Waiting for my online business to take off (although I just started it this year); waiting for my IG follower count to increase; waiting to catch a break with sales in my journal line. But everything is just moving so slowly!! And to tell you the truth I was starting to get super frustrated.

But then something occurred to me. If as I christian I believe that God is in control of my life, and I’m getting frustrated because things aren’t moving as quickly as I want them to then, in essence, I’m frustrated with God! Now…there’s a new perspective. Frustrated with God? Say it ain’t so!

But it was so. In essence I’m telling God that he is not moving fast enough for me. The Bible says that,

“Whatever is good and perfect is a gift coming down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens. He never changes or casts a shifting shadow.” – James 1:17

So if I believe that God provides everything that’s good and perfect for me, and I’m expecting this good thing to work and it’s not yet, am I saying that God is withholding his goodness? If God has made promises to me about what my life is supposed to look like, and has given me direction and inspiration in order to move along that path of His perfect will and destiny, but things seem slow moving, do I doubt that his promises are still “yes and amen”.

The thing that I’ve realized is that every good thing takes time. There are so many examples of that in the Bible. Take for instance David. He knew that he was anointed to be King long before he ever took the throne, and there were many things he had to endure before reaching that destination. And in all this time he could’ve gotten frustrated or angry with God for making promises and not delivering, but he didn’t do that. Even after knowing he would be the next king, he had to go back to the fields, and when he finally got a chance to go to the palace, it was only to play guitar to soothe King Saul’s tormented soul. Then he went up against Goliath and won and got praise from all the women of the time which brought upon Saul’s jealousy. In essence, David was just living his life, then he as told he would be king and had to go through so much drama before that could eventually happen (including King Saul trying to kill him for no other reason that his own envy). David could have easily gotten angry and ask why God would put him through all of that after he never even asked to be King. But, he didn’t. He took everything in stride, trusting that God would have his back and fulfil his promises. And there was so much he learned along the way, including faith in his God, that helped him to be a better king. (Read the story of David in 1 & 2 Samuel)

You see when we focus on our own lack, our hearts suffer despair, which sometimes causes us to try to fix the problems on our own. This often leads us to sin. But when we focus on God, and keep our eyes fixed on him, working through the waiting, we find so much satisfaction and joy in the process and there becomes an opportunity to grow confident in knowing that the Lord will provide what is best.

Sometimes there are lessons in the waiting that need to be learned in order to properly steward the blessing on the other side.

Easier said than done, I know, trust me. Waiting is hard, and as humans self preservation and “security” is high on our lists so sometimes waiting on God is difficult. It’s a war between our flesh and spirit. Whether it’s waiting on a prayer to be answered, waiting on a job, waiting on a spouse, waiting on your finances to turn around, it’s all still waiting. We have to constantly work on our propensity to focus on the object of our desire, rather than the Provider.

My hope for myself and for all of you, is that we give up trying to drive from the passenger seat. Be patient in your waiting, but not passive. Continue doing the last thing God told you to do. So if that is to watch videos and read books related to marriage in preparation for a spouse, or work on your craft until you can get recognition for it, or just to keep fasting for the breakthrough… Do your part and trust God to take care of the rest.

Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.

Matthew 6:33

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2020 Is A Trip

So 2020 has been a trip!!

This year has been a major struggle for me, I won’t lie. I know Covid has been giving everyone a run for their monies and all but I feel like I’ve been through the ringer and back.

I have been having such a difficult time, not just with the pandemic and adjusting to life with the new restrictions in place; social distancing and wearing masks and job insecurity. But, in general, I have been having a rough time. My last two blog posts were about overcoming depression and bible verses that can help pull you through the darkness. At first I tried to convince myself that I was doing it for the benefit of those I know were having a hard time adjusting, but I was so lying to myself. I was going down the deep dark rabbit hole and looking desperately for a lifeline.

Have you ever felt like no matter what you do you just can’t catch a break? Like the effort you put in seems pointless in the grand scheme of things because it just doesn’t work out? Like as soon as you start to see the silver lining or bright side of the situation, something else just goes wrong? Yeah, so that’s how I’ve been feeling.

The year started and I had such high hopes. I made plans for my finances, career, even personal development and it just felt like everything went belly up. My husband and I sat down and planned out our finances and what we wanted to save and spend to start making our dreams a reality; dreams to own our own home, and forge new business paths…and then Boom!! Corona!

When the virus first broke out, I was cautious. We had training at work and learned all the things we needed to do to keep ourselves safe. Then people in Antigua started to get infected and it seemed even more real and the need for precaution solidified. Then the country went on lockdown. By this point everybody was freaking out and fretting about loss of wages and jobs and toilet paper. I wasn’t. Not because I have wads of cash stacked up in my bank account or anything like that, and not because I knew I was an essential worker and was assured job security, because I’m not. I work in tourism, which is the country’s main industry and due to the lack of activity I was sent home with a reduced income.

My work place!

But! I looked on the bright side. I said to myself at least now I have lots of time to work on projects that I really wanted to get done but didn’t seem to have the time to accomplish. I figured I could write lots of blog posts and schedule them, so I could stay ahead and consistent in my posting; I could get some work done on my debut novel that I’ve been working on for months; I could start some other side projects to make some passive income. I had a plan, and about a million alarms on my phone to keep me focused and productive. All I needed was my computer and some internet and I was set. Then, my internet went out.

Person Facepalming on Samsung One UI 1.5

The service provider told us it was a minor issue and we would be up and running within a week so I was like, okay no problem I’ll just use this week to strategize. Within a few days the internet was back up and running…. that lasted one day! Then, we were back in the dark ages. At this point we have no connection to the outside world. We can’t leave home, there’s no internet, we have no home phone and I didn’t want to run up my cell credit. The service provider said something went wrong, give them two weeks max. At this point I’m starting to get worried. Two weeks turned into four, and four bled into six, and six just kept bleeding until it was Almost three months with no internet and I was going crazy!

Now, I know what you might be thinking, millennials and their need for instant gratification….but, I’m not a millennial, I’m Gen Z thank you very much. For me it had nothing to do with entertainment and everything to do with a lack of productivity. I was getting nothing done and that was tearing me up. All I kept thinking was ‘what if my husband and I both lose our jobs, and have nothing to fall back on?’

I was so caught up with worry that I became depressed. I felt sick to my stomach most days and I didn’t even want to get out of bed. My husband tried to encourage me and get me to look on the bright side on things but no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t see it. All I could think about was the “what ifs” and all I could imagine was the loss of everything I had been working so hard to accomplish.

And I’d love to say that I woke up one day and the spirit of the Lord fell upon me and suddenly I was given a great revelation and I no longer feel downtrodden, or disheartened but I’d be lying. What I can tell you is something that I’ve been thinking on for the past few days:

The journey is just as important as the destination. Without the journey, there is no destination.

I was reminded of this quote recently:

“The heights by great men reached and kept were not attained by sudden flight, but they, while their companions slept, were toiling upward in the night.”

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

The journey is rocky, and sometimes completely unstable, but in order to achieve great things sometimes you have to go through great things. I have a determination to not live a life a mediocrity and settling for what life throws out. I believe that as a child of God, excellence is my portion and I’m prepared to toil and strive and work hard to achieve it.

Then I woke this morning and stumbled upon this verse while doing my devotions; “So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you.” – Deuteronomy 31:6. God goes before me everyday. Every wrong turn, every speed bump, every pothole, every detour in the road, God is there – holding my hand, being my shield and guide. And I don’t know exactly what that means for the goals I set or the plans I had but I know that eventually things will work out.

So I guess my encouragement to you is to not allow the potholes along the way in your journey to throw you off the road to getting to where you’ve set out to go.


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20 Bible Verses to Help You Through Depression

Depression is something that many people struggle with, but not alot of people talk about it. This seems especially true for Christians. Personally I have struggled with the realization that I struggled with depression, more so out of pride and thinking that “christians shouldn’t suffer from depression”. Most times though, this reluctance to admit that there’s a problem often hinders your ability to overcome. In my previous post, I mentioned one of the 8 Tips to Help You Overcome Depression, one of these include gathering a list of scriptures that help to uplift you.

Continue reading “20 Bible Verses to Help You Through Depression”
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